Monday, February 23, 2004

Love only exists until certain conditions do....

I tend, now, to see things on their bright and positive side.
Nothing that ever happened with us can or should be regretted, everything contributed to build what we are today, even an ‘abusive’ relationship.
Why are we abused? One may ask, it is essentially because we are not strong enough to defend ourselves. So we need to go through the pain of being abused, to learn how to protect ourselves from eventual new abusers.
That is, if we do not develop the masochist tendency of searching for pain…
To get to the level where lost loves are just remembered with a nostalgic smile, takes time and a bit of pain and distance does give great long term results!
When I first felt in love... I completely lost control of my life... and when I lost it, I really thought that living no longer made any sense... I cried and I cried and I cried and I never ever forget that love, even today!
There are 3 or 4 songs that if I listen to them... the grief becomes so real as if it had left yesterday... there is one song in particular that can make me feel and see so clear that Saturday afternoon, 21December 1999, around 4 pm, gray sky, I remember so well and I can see and feel that scene more clear than in a movie... cool hein?
Feelings can be recalled from the past, as if they were so present!... but that love is archived... locked in a special place in my heart... locked to make sure that the sweet memories will not interfere in my current life.
I do allow myself, once and a while, to open the gate, the key is a song and there I go… fly back in time. But… I don’t stay there, I come back, because I know now that there is so much more to be lived, to desire, to experience, to loose, to cry for and to remember.
Oh the pain for a lost love... illustrated so well in the Portuguese FADO, it is considered by maby, the most inspiring source! People can write the most profound words when they feel it... dealing with it eventually turns you into a strong person!
Some even say if you never have experienced it, you never truly lived....
If the situation is too difficult to maintain and brings a lot of stress then we should let it go.
Life should be simple and easy to carry, we should free ourselves from avoid heavy weights, they just suck a lot from you, distracting you from other beauties all around you!
Live, smile and keep your eyes open.

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